One of the things I’ve learned over the last two years is how to deal with criticism and critics in a healthy manner.

Three or more years back, when anyone would criticize me or the ministry I oversaw, I would scoff at them, usually blow off their assessment as incorrect, and secretly believe they were just angry, bitter human beings who had nothing better to do.

But now I realize how self-righteous I was being.

It’s incredibly self-righteous to dismiss anyone who doesn’t subscribe to your teaching, beliefs, leadership styles, or approach to ministry. Just because they refuse to sit at the throne of my highness doesn’t mean they deserve our dismissal as being less-than.

Instead, leaders at EBC have taught me a healthier, more humble approach to dealing with critics.
1. Listen
Remove the emotion and simply listen. I have a few rules. If I receive an email of criticism, I first write back my sincere apologies for whatever feelings of anger or sadness they may have. By apologizing (and doing it sincerely), it almost always defuses the emotion. Then, I ask to meet them in person to discuss further. If they don’t want to and don’t respond, I write back an affirmation of what I heard and some ways I’m going to change as a result. The point is: It’s easy to dismiss critics. It’s much harder to really listen.

2. Really Listen
Someone told me there is generally a kernel or nugget of truth in every criticism. Even if I am receiving criticism from someone who is emotional or a bit crazed, I can always find a nugget of truth. Step 2 after listening is to REALLY listen. What did this person see? What did I do wrong?

3. Thank Them
After listening and really listening, I attempt to thank them for caring enough to point something out. It’s genuine, too. I sincerely appreciate those who take the time to present criticism. It means they care. So I thank them.

4. Try to Change
So after listening and thanking, I try to change. Honestly. If I believe there was some truth to what they are saying, I need to have the capacity and confidence in myself to change because of them.

Now, we can’t shift and shape to every critic. There are times when most (and sometimes all) of the criticism is wrong. We can’t change at every criticism. In those moments where the criticism is unwarranted or it’s a criticism that I am just not going to change because of, I need to be able to explain this to the critic with a sound defense and apologize.

For instance, someone was mad we opened a worship service with a song by a secular artist. The song did not contain any kind of inappropriate or suggestive lyrics, and in fact was not even a song by someone with a sketchy reputation. Either way, the critic was upset we had done so. Unfortunately, in this case, we believe in opening worship sets to make students feel immediately comfortable, and this sometimes includes playing a song a non-Christian student might know. In that case, we did not change because it was something we valued.

In the end, when faced with criticism, don’t retreat to the throne of self-righteousness. Instead, listen, really listen and find the kernel of truth, thank them, and try to change.

The question is: What voices should I listen to?

For purposes of this post, let’s say I want to grow as a student pastor. Even still, there are hundreds of voices I could listen to. The last three years, I haven’t been very selective. I have read approximately 100 books a year for 3 years, and have devoured more than my share of blog posts, articles, and other information regarding ecclesiology, theology, leadership and student ministry. One of the reasons I haven’t been very selective is because I didn’t know HOW to select. If you don’t have a comparison (this is good; this is bad) then how would you ever be able to select?

Now, after three years of devouring anything and everything, here’s how I’m going to select:

1. Start with God’s Word
This might seem like an obvious one, but in some ways, I valued reading other people’s thoughts about God rather than my own. This year, I want to steep myself in God’s Word – what HE is saying TO ME through HIS WORD. I want to take out the middle man more often (the authors) and focus more intently on what God is saying to me. NOT to them to the page to me.

2. Those Who Do It or Have Been There
This year, I’m going to focus on listening to those people who do student ministry or have at least done student ministry. I’m tired of reading the thoughts of people who just aren’t student pastors. It’s not that I don’t respect their opinions; it’s that they are usually so whiny, jaded, and irrelevant.

Now, as a caveat, there are some great people out there who have NEVER really been in ministry and yet really know their stuff and know how to convey thoughts. But this is a rare exception.

Most of the “youth ministry” experts I read these days are global think tank people — people who study others, read research, and present their findings. It’s NOT that I disrespect their opinion; it’s just that I want them to be able to translate this from their world (which they don’t have) into my world.

Either way, I’m tired of reading books based on surveys, research studies, people’s opinions of these studies, and people who sit around in a “thinking room” and whine about the ways student ministry is done. IF they have some solutions that they have literally tried, tested, and proved to be effective, I’ll listen. But if people are going to sit around and bemoan the fact that “youth ministry” is like x and x and the world is falling apart and they don’t do anything about it, then I’m not going to listen to their crying anymore.

Again, just to be VERY clear – those voices can still be helpful. It’s just that THIS year I’m not going to listen to those voices.

3. Those Who Effectively Parse All Sides
I don’t even know if I’m phrasing this right, but what I mean by those who effectively parse all sides are people who analyze, evaluate, debate, and honestly assess ALL sides of a solution, thought, and idea. I’ve read WAY too many books and articles that say: “HERE. THIS is the SOLUTION. THIS is the ANSWER!” And then guess what? I read a book that says the opposite. “THIS, not THAT, is the answer.” And they present an equally valid argument and point.

Here’s the point: I want to read people who aren’t just trying to oversimplify and demean my intelligence. There is much more complexity to life and ministry than simply A+B = C.

In conclusion, these are the voices I’m listening to this year.
What about you? What voices are you listening to in 2012?

It sure seems like New Year’s Resolutions got a bad wrap this year. Every where I turned it seemed people were saying things like: “It’s pointless to make New Year’s Resolutions because you end up breaking them by February anyways.” And on and on and on.

But I’m all for New Year’s Resolutions. It’s part of the ebb and flow of life, and I’m okay with whatever comes as a result.

When I was a baseball player and training hard to put on more weight, I would take time in the pre-season to lift more intensely and take supplements, like creatine. Now, I knew that by taking creatine that whatever I added in weight and muscle was about 25% water that I would eventually lose when I was done with creatine. However, because of my focus on lifting more intensely and setting new resolve to push harder for a shorter time, I gained more than I otherwise would have.

What does that have to do with New Year’s Resolutions? Regardless of when they are broken, it is still an important part of the ebb and flow of my life – to set resolutions, go for it with everything I have, and then realize it was worth the push, no matter when they trailed off.

With that being said, here are a few of mine:

1. Grow in peace
This year, I want to focus on the peace and confidence that ONLY comes as a result of Jesus Christ in me. This year, rather than being anxious about results, ministry, my family, and my life, I want to learn to deeply rest in the fact that Christ is the only hope, assurance, and peace I can put my confidence in.

How am I going to do this?
* Never replace my quiet time with God with other activity
* Spend 4 nights this year at a prayer cabin
* Go through counseling (which I’ve already begun)
* Pray and listen more
* Focus more on what God is saying to me and less on what God is saying to others (in books, sermons, or otherwise)
* Fast once a month

2. Grow in discipline
Since I’ve finished playing professional sports, I have lost some of the discipline that helped me achieve in sports. So, this year, I simply want to increase and grow in basic disciplines like healthy eating and working out so I can re-establish this kind of living in my life.

How am I going to do this?
* P90x 4 times a week (I just can’t do Yoga and Kenpo, so I’m modifying this one)
* Counting calories (Great with myfitnesspal).
* Less sweets

So far, this has been easy to re-establish, but check with me again in February!

3. Be a better Father and Husband than I am a Pastor
One of the primary goals of my life is that those closest to me (Emily and Maddox) would consider me the best Father and Husband they could ever ask for. But because this can be objective (like who are they really comparing me to!!), I want them to look at me and say: “John is a great pastor, but he’s an even better Dad and Husband.”

How am I going to do this?
* Remind myself before I enter my house that I need to turn it back on and bring my best energy to them.
* Spend one chunk of time a week alone with Maddox
* Go on a date once every two weeks with Emily
* Eat dinner together without a TV on
* Keep the phone on the counter and not in my hands when I’m at home
* Pray together and read Maddox’s stories (even though he can’t understand!).

Anyways. Those are just a few of my resolutions. It’s a new day and a new year to make another push towards a becoming a better you.
What are some of your New Year’s Resolutions?

Okay okay. Much has been written and reflected on this biography about Steve Jobs.

I’ve been plowing through this much-too-long, but incredibly enjoyable biography about the founder and icon of Apple, and have some re-occuring thoughts.

1. Some off-kilter ways of doing things. Steve Jobs clearly had some sort of undiagnosed emotional/mental “disorder” (I’m not sure “disorder” is the correct word, because I’m not a doctor nor do I think it impeded his success; in fact, it definitely contributed to his success. But just read this book. You’ll see what I mean). Whatever the case, I keep asking myself: Do HUGELY successful, driven people need to operate in some other-worldly emotional/mental state? The way he pushed people; the way he obsessed over details; the way he focused so intently on a vision to accomplish something specific – I just wonder if these kind of people are successful because of this ‘off-kilter’ approach to life.

2. The obsession over details. Too often in the youth ministry and church world, we want to polarize the spiritual and the secular. We don’t care about typo’s or the way the lights hit the platform/stage/pulpit because God doesn’t care about those things, we rationalize. Or we say: God is bigger than those stupid details.

That’s true. God is bigger than those and does in fact work through our lack of excellence (Just ask Christians in South America or China). BUT, that doesn’t mean we can simply take the resources we’ve been given and put a half-effort out with those. The longer I’m in youth ministry, the more I realize how important the tiniest of details are. If I begin to let those slip, when does it stop? Steve Jobs probably had an unhealthy obsession over details, but one of things I gleaned from this book is to pay MORE attention to the small things.

3. Less is More. Simplicity. Less. That’s the beauty of the Apple brand. So often, we want to impress people with more scripture, more points, more programs, more, more, more. Less is more is an unwritten value of Eagle Brook, the church I’m currently at, but sometimes I slip into the More is More realm. This book served as a reminder that less is more, and simplicity is the way forward. If a student can’t come into our youth ministry and in one minute know exactly where she is, where to go, what is going on, and what we offer, then we’re doing too much.

4. Environments matter. We’ve always preached creating attractive environments for our Jr. High ministry campuses, but this book re-affirmed how important environments are. When Jobs began opening Apple stores, he spent six months designing the perfect environment. I firmly believe that environments express a culture and values of a youth ministry. If we aren’t willing to create environments attractive to Jr. High students, then we are letting other things get in the way of the Gospel than the Gospel itself. Steve Jobs knew that you can have incredible products, but without great environments to attract people to the products, then your products will go unnoticed.

5. Passion. Steve Jobs LOVED technology and computers. I mean, passion seeped out of his pores. He believed Apple could change the world. I had to ask myself: Does Steve Jobs have more passion for computers than I have for Jesus, the Church, and youth ministry?

In the end, Jobs lived a life I don’t want to live, but that doesn’t mean there were things he did others like us shouldn’t emulate.

For instance, when we speak about God, we generally interchange the names Jesus and God fairly liberally. It’s not that we don’t believe in the distinct persons of the Trinity; it’s just a difficult, abstract theological concept that is hard to explain to a black & white thinking Jr. high student.

Having been influenced by reading guys like Andrew Root and Peter Rollins in his latest book, Insurrection, I’ve been wondering if it is in fact possible to allow the tension of doubt to seep into my own messages to Jr. High students.

This last week, we talked about how God’s mission is to be known and to heal the world. Jesus came in Earth in part to re-establish God’s mission to his people. And Jesus did heal people. He did make God known. And ultimately, he fulfilled his primary mission of dying for our sins.

But when it came to accomplishing God being known COMPLETELY and healing the world COMPLETELY, it hasn’t happened.

Instead of just brushing past this with: “Well, that’s just the way it’s supposed to be students,” I let this tension hang there for 3-5 minutes. “Has God healed the world completely? No. Has God completed His mission? No. So what’s up with that?”

See, too often, we simply provide trite and simple answers to complex and abstract issues. Although I believe we live in the “now and not yet” tension of Jesus coming once and waiting for him to come again, although I ultimately landed on this idea that We are God’s Plan A to Help Him Accomplish His Mission, I wanted students to wrestle with this idea that maybe God isn’t who we think he is.

It’s a scary thing to open up the door to doubt, especially with Jr. High students. But, I firmly believe that if I can help them wrestle with the doubts NOW that will inevitably come up at some point in life, they will possess a more processed faith LATER.

How do you engage students with doubt?

Rumors of God had some shining moments. The premise is great, the message is clear, and the content is solid.

However, for some reason, this book didn’t strike me as containing anything profound or new, and felt too carefully packaged.

Let me try to explain: Know those times when things just feel too polished, too “cookie cutter,” too solidly ordinary? This is how this book felt. I don’t buy “gift” books for that reason – they just seem way too cookie cutter.

Rumors of God felt that way to me.

I don’t want to take away from the fact that this book had some shining moments. If you are looking for a beginning book to catalyze your faith in God, then read this book.

I received this book from BookSneeze free of charge.

I’m pretty excited about it, but more importantly, I’m excited to see what God is hopefully going to do through our students.

Mission: Possible

Nov. 30 – Dec. 14
There is a lot of hurt, pain, hatred, and suffering in the world. Sometimes it can feel like it’s impossible to make a difference. But nothing is impossible for God. And He is on a mission—a mission to bring His Kingdom to Earth. And as Christ followers, we get to be a part of it. Our mission is to be radical people of sacrifice, giving, and love.

How can we be radical and participate in God’s mission?

During this series, we’ll be collecting money for Healing Haiti and World Vision to provide clean water to people in the Horn of Africa and Haiti. Collect coins and bills to donate anytime during these three weeks. Just to make it a little more fun, there is a competition between each grade. The winner gets something fun! By the way, we’ve set a radical goal of $15,000. We believe Junior High students can accomplish this radical mission!

Invite your friends to the Christmas Party on Wednesday, Dec. 14 (6:30 - 8:15 pm), so God can be made known through a message on Radical Love. To help, we’ll be providing invite cards, posters, and a video to send to your friends. By the way, we’ve set a radical goal of 1,000 students (which is about 300 more than average)! We believe God is going to accomplish radical things through YOU!

Christmas Party details:

Wednesday, Dec. 14

6:30 – 8:15 pm (SLP & WBL) – No “official” small groups this week.
Wear your funnest, Christmasy-est outfit! There will be a FASHION SHOW!
Win prizes. Outrageous giveaways. Fun Christmas treats.
Invite a friend and you can both be entered to win a GRAND PRIZE!

I’m one of those obsessive stockpilers of books. The good thing is, I usually only buy them when I get gift cards, sell other books back, or get them free through various blogging, publisher reviewing sites. So I don’t necessarily break the bank buying books. (I felt like I needed to confess).

I just recently had a birthday, so I’ve gone on a book buying binge. Therefore, I thought I’d post a few books I’ve stockpiled and am excited to read:

1. Simply Jesus by NT Wright
I’m actually 2/3 of the way through this one. I have not read a ton of NT Wright, but when I do, I love it. I love how he brings a fresh, intellectual perspective on everything — even Jesus. This book has challenged me to consider what the Gospels are really about. Are they about Jesus saving us to go to heaven someday? Are they about some sort of quasi-revolution? Are they about Jesus proving he was God? Wright says no to all of these. Jesus came primarily to let us know: God is King. Now. He’s come to bring the Kingdom to earth as it is in heaven. I highly recommend this book.

2. Pastor: A Memoir by Eugene Peterson
To be honest, I’ve been weary of reading this book. I know Peterson (author of The Message) is not fond of the pastor-as-CEO type of pastoral leadership. I don’t know if I necessarily agree. But I admire him so much, I’m willing to dive into what he thinks about what it means to be a pastor. He is a faithful, Godly man. I can only hope to maintain the kind of ministry he has in life.

3. Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson
My brother bought me this one for my birthday. I’m excited to read this for obvious reasons, but from what I’ve heard from reviews, this isn’t just a “Steve Jobs is a Hero” type of book. Apparently, it offers some real candid looks into the dark side of Jobs as well. I’m excited to read it and get a glimpse into the life of a masterful leader and innovator.

4. Moonwalking with Einstein by Joshua Foer
I came across this book by viewing another book (love that feature of Amazon). Now, I’m very intrigued. My current job forces me to use my memory more than I ever have done before. This book is all about ways in which we can improve our memory and retention (and I believe uses someone who competes in memory competitions as the primary character). Do they really have memory competitions in life? They do. Can’t wait to read this one.

5. Insurrection by Peter Rollins
I must admit: Peter Rollins is way smarter than I will ever be. I read “How (Not) to Speak of God and was thoroughly lost and confused. I gave him another chance by reading The Orthodox Heretic, and was moved beyond belief. It was powerful, gut-wrenching in some ways, and stimulating. So I decided to read his latest. Plus, this is a book about doubt and how we engage with doubt as Christians.

6. The Hammer of God by Bo Giertz
If you think your “Facebook” books page doesn’t influence, it does! I spent some time scouring people’s facebook pages (at least people I respect and trust) to see what their all-time favorite books were. This was listed on my friend Jeremey King’s page. That’s all I know about it.

7. Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas
This won several awards last year (or was it this year – time is flying) for being the best book of the year. I admire Bonhoeffer a lot, and this is a high-flying in-depth look at his life.

8. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
I read so much theology and leadership, I find myself craving a non-fiction or fiction book about anything BUT those things sometimes. This is one of those books. It’s been a best-seller for a while, and garnered some recognition.

9. Matterhorn by Karl Marlantes
The same is true with this one as it is for the book above. Matterhorn has received some recognition, and I believe it is a tale of one’s ventures into the Vietnam War. These books, while I definitely learn from them, are more of an escape for me. I can only read so much in a year, so I make sure I pick books that have generally been well-received.

What are you planning on reading for the rest of 2011?

We have rules. But it’s more important the way we correct students than if they actually follow the rules.

We have worship. But it’s more important if students see other adults worshipping rather than worshipping themselves.

We have teaching. But it’s more imporant if students develop relationships with adult leaders rather than if they understand or remember the teaching.

We have small groups. But it’s more important if students build relationships with each other and with their leaders than if they understand the curriculum.

We have check-in, hang time, cafe, and parking. But it’s more important if students see a smiling leader who knows their name rather than if they get checked-in correctly.

We have volunteers who serve in a certain organizational structure. But it’s more important if they feel empowered, loved, and cared for rather than if they are “correctly” doing their “jobs.”

Last night, at our leader meeting, I tried to get leaders to understand that 100 times out of a 100, PEOPLE trump PROGRAM.

Now, the program stuff is important, don’t get me wrong. And, in fact, my title is Junior High TEACHING Pastor and PROGRAM Developer. My job is to create the program.

However, the people — the students, the volunteers, the relationships — always trump the program.

She says: “Christianity was never intended to be another religion. Being a follower of Jesus is not another religion. It is a relationship.”

A religion is a list of DOs that we must do to please God, and a religion is a list of DON’Ts that try to not break this law code.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Emily (my wife) and I recently made a decision to not baptize Maddox, our 3 month old, and rather dedicate him.

Now, there are a lot smarter people who can write, speak, and talk through their beliefs in either infant baptism, adult baptism, or some form of both. So I’m not going to try to argue one position or the other.

However, in short, I believe two things:
* Baptism is about celebrating “outwardly what God has done inwardly.”
* This not a “die for” issue. There is a lot of gray area.

A religion causes families, friends, and churches to split over their beliefs in one version or the other. Either way you slice it, if one group (infant v. adult) decides the other is so wrong they are unwilling to stay on the same team, this is what religion destroys.

Religion divides people over issues like baptism; Relationships unite people despite differences.

A religion causes people to declare war; Relationships cause people to offer a treaty.

A religion divides churches over non-die for issues, like baptism, communion, style of worship; A relationship with Christ recognizes that Christ died for love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

Of course, there are some issues (the person/deity of Christ, the work of Christ, the worth of people in God’s eyes) that are worth dividing over. But outside of those that involve the worth of people and the work of Jesus Christ, all else is garbage in comparison.

Now granted, I have my opinions. Obviously, we have an opinion to decide that Maddox should be dedicated, and not baptized. I have opinions about worship, communion, and the purpose of the Church.

But at the end of the day, many of those issues are just about a religion. And religion divides.

Jesus + nothing = Everything.

Not baptism beliefs. Not worship style differences. Not communion beliefs.

A relationship with Jesus is everything. A religion is nothing.